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Following on from part three I’ve returned to Stella and Evie, and Stella’s struggle with her past, which I’ve used First Person POV for short sections. She is not the only one struggling with her colourful past however as Nicki battles her own urges with Mei Lin.
Author’s note: I apologise for taking so long to write this next bit, I was in Denmark and Sweden again on holiday.
Stella rose with the other members to recite the serenity prayer, ever mindful of the clock. Over an hour and a half ago she’d been driving away from Evie’s place after a quick bite courtesy of the local Chinese takeaway. Evie had practically chased her out the door to a meeting, claiming she needed a little down time herself.
Stella shuffled her feet as the ritual finished and she shook the hands of the people on either side before grabbing her handbag. She felt a little less tired after sitting in a meeting for an hour and a half but was still looking forward to getting back to Evie’s place, a few hours ago she’d actually contemplated skipping the meeting and going to one on Monday but then she started getting restless and irritable. The team building exercise she’d planned so meticulously hadn’t gone down as well as planned and then she’d had to prepare a brief for a hearing at the County Court in Melbourne to represent an old client, but that was not what was really bothering her.
Memories were starting to emerge, affairs she’d had with other women over the years, which had ranged from one night stands to full on codependency. This particular memory had been sparked during the team building session when one woman, Theresa had been particularly helpful with her input and practical applications. Her light brown hair and mannerisms brought back memories of a torrid three week affair with Mandy. She hadn’t thought of Mandy for years but every time she heard the INXS song, Burn For You, she often thought of Mandy.
They’d met in a pub often frequented by the legal fraternity and the police. Defence attorneys and the police might be at opposite ends of the spectrum in court but outside of the courtroom and with plenty of alcohol flowing they were bosom buddies, often literally and Mandy certainly had an ample bosom. It was what she’d noticed first, the way they moved beneath her white blouse, barely constrained by the bra. She was off duty that hot, sweaty Friday night, and in the mood for sex, she had been going out with a fellow officer for six months but after a heated argument by their pool she’d walked out on him and moved in with a lesbian couple.
Prior to moving in with Vicki and Olivia, she’d thought herself straight and indeed she openly talked about the men she’d bedded.
But despite the bravado I sensed she was also bendable. Some straights try so hard to be straight that they wind up getting bored, there are only so many positions you can try before it all becomes monotonous. Mandy had probably started her sex life, looking for intimacy but like many other women she mistook sex for intimacy because that’s what men wanted and she’d begun to realise it and indeed she played the game even with me.
When I bought her a drink she came out with a comment like, ‘I like a good leg opener,’ and then she laughed and slapped my leg. She drained half a glass of Bundy and then told me I was different to the rest and that was certainly obvious. I drank with men because they drank the same as me but I didn’t play up to them and while some men did boast they’d slept with me or at least seen me in the nude I was able to hold them to account.
I’d gained a reputation by then of being slick, I was younger then and just starting out on my career at the bar but I hadn’t seen this woman before. She was big up top but had a slim waist and rounded buttocks, which made her a magnet for every testosterone-fuelled man. That night however she was just wanting a few quiet drinks and so she took a seat at my table.
We certainly caught the eye of a few men, Mandy because of what she was wearing, denim jacket, blue jeans and the white blouse, and I’d come straight from work. I was wearing a blue pinstripe trouser suit and white blouse. That particular day I was also wearing a striped tie, it hung loosely about me and I’d undone the top button, I really was intending to head onto a nightclub but I dropped in at the pub to catch up with a colleague.
To this day I don’t know what we talked about but I know she did most of the talking and I did a lot of listening because that’s what I was learning by then, listen to clients, listen to the other side in court and listen to senior partners and colleagues. To cut a long story short we decided to leave the pub and head back home, I was pleasantly pissed and she was much the same but when we got to her place she’d fallen asleep and I had to wake her up.
When she invited me in I hesitated because I still wanted to keep drinking and I suspected that she might just want a coffee or soft drink but when she offered to share a casino şirketleri bottle of Southern Comfort I had to say yes.
Blackouts hadn’t really started happening yet but there were quite a few brown outs where you kind of remember what you did but other parts are hazy. I remember helping her take her denim jacket off and it was a little tight on her because she had to twist her shoulders to work it down her back while she pulled the sleeves over her hands. I can’t remember what happened next but she must have tripped over and I’d caught her because she was in my arms. She turned around with the jacket still half off, it was dangling down her back but the sleeves were on. She had a smile on her face and then she kissed me.
It was a light, teasing kiss and it might have gone no further but for the fact she knew by then that I was gay and we were both tipsy. I leaned forward and kissed her back but my kiss was definitely a sexual one because she pulled back suddenly as if I’d crossed a line. Mandy looked past me and then pulled the sleeves over her hands and let the jacket fall to the floor.
I remember putting my hands on her waist and then sliding them down over her buttocks and she arched her back and putting her hands on my hips she kissed me again. It was a full open mouthed kiss and it left us both out of breath but by then a line had been crossed and we sank down onto the couch together. Our session on the couch was interrupted when I had to go for a piss and she decided to fix us both a drink.
When I came back to the living room she was perched on the edge of the couch with a brush in her hand, she’d pulled the blouse out of her jeans and undone the ponytail. She had long blonde hair that reached the small of her back and she was brushing the knots out.
We drank for a few minutes while she finished brushing her hair and when I started playing with it she turned to face me. I remember the look on her face when she undid my tie, kind of nervous anticipation and then she used the undone tie against the back of my neck to pull me closer and we started on each other again and this time there was no hesitation, no time to talk, it was just full on kissing and feeling each other through our clothes.
We made it to her bedroom by degrees, pulling off our clothes until we got to her room and then the lovemaking began in earnest. As her first girl on girl fuck, I took the lead and brought her to a pretty good climax. Mandy was hesitant with me, she didn’t go down on me that first night, it took her three days before she got her mouth near my pussy but once she was down there Mandy was hooked on the art of cunnilingus. If anyone was a natural, she was it and our affair lasted three weeks before I found a new plaything.
Leaving Mandy was cruel, I knew it then but hid behind my usual bravado and the arrogance of youth but a few months later I saw Mandy sitting in another pub with a much younger woman, some probationary police constable. She saw me at the same time and just stared at me and then looked away as if she didn’t want to see me. At that point I felt the earth drop away from under me because she looked even more beautiful than before and it was not just the outside, her face was radiant. She was clearly in love with this woman but wanted nothing to do with me, the one who’d introduced her to lesbian love.
Stella came out of her reverie as the woman said her name again. The memory had been replaying in her mind all afternoon and she’d constructed the narrative the same way she rehearsed her AA story although this was not a story she’d tell in an AA meeting for obvious reasons. She might tell it to Evie, if she could find the time and the opportunity.
“Stella? I heard you at Ringwood the other night, I’m Gina and this is Charlie,” she indicated the petite brunette at her side, “I loved hearing your story the other night, it was like someone was inside my head.”
Stella let her eyes play over the twenty-something woman. She had long red hair that fell to the small of her back and had the look of someone who’d not long been sober, the makeup couldn’t hide every sin. The flannelette shirt hung loosely over a stained blue tee shirt tucked into loose fitting blue jeans, she had a curvaceous figure but looked decidedly emotional judging by the tear tracks on her cheeks.
“Hiya Charlie,” she extended her hand, “pleased to meet you.”
“You should hear this woman’s story,” Gina went on, “truly inspiring,” she glanced at her phone as she turned the sound on, “some of us are going out for pizza. Do you fancy coming along?”
“Um, I’d love to but I promised my um, partner that I’d come straight back home.”
“Of course,” she glanced at Charlie, “maybe you should get Stella’s number,” she paused, “unless of course it’s going to cause friction.”
“It won’t, I don’t do the thirteenth step,” she smiled crookedly, “how long has it been?”
“Two days,” she replied.
“The world record is actually twenty four hours,” casino firmaları she replied, “the shakes will pass soon enough, just don’t drink for one day and keep coming to meetings,” she took out her phone.
“What’s your number?”
Charlie gave Stella her number and she sent her a text.
“You’ve got my number, use it,” she held out her hand, “and on that pleasant note I have to run.”
It was only when she was pulling out of the carpark that Stella allowed her mind to travel back to Mandy and the chance she’d had with her.
Even if you hadn’t done the dirty on her she’d have left you in the end, she nudged the accelerator and headed towards Mountain Highway.
My God, the things I did.
Mei Lin sat with her back against the bedhead while Nicki paced the floor, she had her earphones on and was talking to someone called Stevie who owned a van. It was the third call she’d made in the last ten minutes as she tried to find someone with a ute to help them both move into Stella’s place. How someone could know so many people with utes and now a van, baffled her, she’d been living here all her life whilst Nicki had lived at the furthest end of the state. In conversation over dinner she’d talked about friends in Hoppers Crossing to the west of Melbourne, Ballarat to the northwest and several suburbs of Melbourne.
She let her eyes fall to the laptop as the dialogue box disappeared. The transferred photos were now on her laptop and she opened one at random. The impromptu photo shoot had lasted an hour or so and remarkably for her mother, she’d managed to lock the bedroom door so as Nicki could shoot her in a few different outfits. This had encouraged Mei Lin to be a little more bolder or as bold as she dared here, a little mild teasing and eroticism with undone buttons and she’d managed to go as far as a back shot of her with a pink blouse halfway down her back as she looked over her shoulder. It was particularly daring because she’d been standing in front of the mirror and part of her bra was visible in the mirror.
She scrolled down the picture. The blouse had a matching tie that now dangled loosely in front of her, the ends reached the bottom of the black leather skirt. The garment still hung on one shoulder and her right arm was bent as she tugged at the button below her cleavage. The other side though had fallen down her left arm to expose the cup of her white bra but it was the look on her face that held her attention. She’d been taken unaware when Nicki took the picture, it showed in her expression, surprised but with a bemused smile.
She slipped a hand beneath the white ruffled blouse she’d finally changed into for another series of pictures that started with the blouse and a peach-coloured, pencil skirt and ended with the same blouse and a pair of blue jeans. The last three rows showed her wearing the blouse she had on right now. The blouse had two ruffles that started in the middle of her shoulders and curved in an oxbow shape to her cleavage before dropping straight down to her waistband, a second set of ruffles extended down the edge of each sleeve.
In the first few pictures she had worn the blouse buttoned to the top with the matching tie, it was paired with the leather skirt for those shots and then she’d changed into a pair of white jeans with a pink belt. The tie came undone after a few shots along with a couple of buttons for a flirty look. She’d been about to go further when the call came through on Nicki’s phone and so they’d called a halt to the shoot while Nicki answered the call. After the call however, she’d apologised and made another two calls, this last call sounded like it might solve their problem, moving their things to Stella’s place. Mei Lin stared at Nicki as she suddenly ended the call and sank down onto the stool in front of the dressing table.
“We’ve got the use of the van tomorrow night but there’s a hitch,” her eyes narrowed, “I have to help Stevie move some boxes of shit from her ex girlfriend’s joint to her new place. She’s moved from Lilydale to Yarra Glen so I’ll have to meet her out past Coldstream and follow her into town,” she looked at her.
“So, you want to stay the night after all?”
“It might be easier, Coldstream’s just up the road.”
“Okay,” Mei Lin straightened up, “I’ll go tell mum.”
When she came back through some five minutes later though she looked confused as she slicked the tie back and forth against the back of her neck.
“Not happening? Cool,” Nicki made to get up.
“No, it is happening but she doesn’t want you using any of the other bedrooms because she hasn’t cleaned them all week, so it’s my room or the couch,” Mei Lin fell onto the bed and stared at the ceiling, “just when I think mum is just another homophobe, she surprises me.”
“Well, she doesn’t know what I am,” Nicki reminded her.
“There is that,” Mei Lin contemplated her, “now this will be an experience, sharing a bed with a lesbian.”
“Nothing’s going to happen tonight,” güvenilir casino Nicki reassured her, “I’m tired and I have to be up early in the morning.”
Mei Lin perched on the side of the bed and looked at the door as she recalled the last time she’d had a girl in this bed. It seemed like an eternity ago but in truth it hadn’t been that long at all. She stared at her open wardrobe while Nicki laid down on the bed.
“Are you all right?” Nicki asked her, “I can take the couch,” she brushed her fingertips up Mei Lin’s back.
“It’s fine, really,” Mei Lin pushed her glasses up her nose as Nicki’s fingers reached her bra strap, she drew a finger along the top of the strap to the fastening.
“I’m just thinking,” she finally managed to banish the memory and laid back down with her head on Nicki’s lap. Nicki shifted across slightly and put her left foot on the floor.
“What are you thinking about?” Nicki fingered one of the ruffles on her sleeve.
“About moving out, this time it’s different.”
“How so,” Nicki moved further down the ruffle.
“This time I’m not being banished to a seminary.”
“I thought you went of your own free will?” Nicki moved across her front to one of the ruffles on the bodice.
“It was mum’s idea,” she brought her hand up to touch the back of Nicki’s hand, “after what I did at school.”
“What did you do at school that was so bad?”
“I kissed a girl.”
“What the fuck?” Nicki stared at her, “how is that so fucking bad?”
“It was a Catholic school, the headmistress called our parents in and explained the rules. My mum banned me from seeing Fatima and her parents took her out of school and transferred her to a public school across the road,” she pushed her other hand behind her jeans.
“We could have tried to see each other but it wasn’t possible to find a place where we could be alone and so we both tried to move on. Mum arranged for me to go to a seminary in Kuala Lumpur because she thought it would straighten me out,” she stopped touching Nicki’s hand and put it on her belly instead.
“So, what happened at the seminary?”
“I tried to apply myself but my heart wasn’t in it. My auntie Mary came to see me and when she saw the state I was in she called her sister, my mum in Melbourne and bawled her out. She even threatened her with something, I don’t know what it was but it frightened the hell out of mum and she called the seminary and told them I was going to be finishing up.”
“Hey, I’m sorry,” Nicki touched her face, “things get broken and sometimes you can’t fix them for love nor money.”
Mei Lin took off her glasses and wiped her eyes. Nicki stroked her face gently and Mei Lin just let her do it, relishing the softness of her touch and the security she felt just lying there with her head in her lap.
“What’s your auntie Mary like?”
“She’s the best,” she smiled, “she’s ten years younger than mum but I sometimes wish she’d been my mum instead of the mother I have now,” she felt her pussy.
“She’s progressive,” she continued, “it was auntie Mary who got me on the bloody pill, I used to have really painful periods but she educated me. It wasn’t something mum talked about, she just gave me the usual mother daughter talk when I was a teenager and handed me a box of tampons but auntie Mary really opened my eyes. When I finally came back home I told mum why I was on the pill and she just rolled her eyes and said, ‘that’s my sister talking through you,’ but that was the end of the conversation.”
“Jesus,” Nicki brought her hand up the ruffle on the other side of the bodice, “I’ve been on the pill since I was fifteen, all my friends were so fucking jealous,” she reached the top of the ruffle and fingered it slowly.
“What happened to Fatima?”
“She’s engaged to be married in six months, but I’m not invited to the wedding and maybe it’s best I don’t go anyway. It would hurt too much.”
“I’m sorry,” Nicki moved a hand through her hair, “I really am. That’s why I’m so anti religious, those bastards have been fucking up the world for thousands of years.”
Mei Lin didn’t reply as Nicki started stroking her front, following the line of the vee to her throat and then back down the other side. She closed her eyes and let herself drift but a few minutes later her eyelids fluttered open.
“I’d love to know what Auntie Mary has on mum though, she wouldn’t tell me though.”
“Has your mother always been homophobic?”
“All my life, yeah, why?”
“At a guess and it’s only a guess, I’d say your mum either got involved with a woman or had a crush on a woman and came close to crossing the line. Homophobia is usually a sign that a person is trying to stifle something.”
Mei Lin stopped stroking Nicki’s hand and swallowed.
“What if? What if I’m just like her? What if I turn out like her?”
“We aren’t our mothers,” Nicki started fiddling with Mei Lin’s collar, “we might have their DNA, their eyes or their features but we aren’t them. We can take the things we like about them and discard the rest, it’s a different world out there. This is Australia, not Malaysia, there are no Muslim edicts banning us from doing certain things,” she drew her hand down the side of the vee.
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